A simple framework for business coaching was developed in England years ago and has gained in popularity in the US over the past decade. This coaching model, known as “GROW,” can also be very useful for parent coaching. It provides a simple approach to engage your child for social and emotional learning and to guide them in decision making. The method is simple, but it takes patience and listening skills to guide your child through the process.
The Four Steps in G-R-O-W
The coaching framework known as the GROW model is made up of four steps: G — agreeing on the Goal; R–understanding the Reality; O — coming up with Options to accomplish the goal; and W — developing the Wayforward, or action plan. Starting to engage your child as early as 3-4 years old using the GROW model will help them be more emotionally aware, more empathetic, and self-responsible children. When using the process to coach early in their childhood, you’ll use very basic questions as you guide them through the GROW framework to make simple decisions. As your child becomes older and into their adolescence years, you’ll ask more detailed and involved questions as the decision making is more complex.
“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.”
– Benjamin Franklin
The Goal
The first step is to help them understand what they want in a particular situation. Let’s use an example of helping a young child make a decision on what to wear when going outside on a cold day. The conversation may start by your child approaching you and saying he or she wants to play outside…that is their goal. You may ask if they should stay warm and safe when playing outside. This would be the agreed-upon mutual goal. Another example involving a teenager is when I recently questioned my son on what college he wanted to attend after he graduated from high school next year. He mentioned a few schools he was interested in that have a good criminology program…that was his goal.
The Reality
Once you’ve helped your child develop a clear goal, the next step in the process is to have them understand the current situation. This is the “R” in GROW, or the Reality. In the case of the child wanting to play outside, you might question them on how cold it is outside. You could ask a few probing questions to help them assess this, like “if there is ice or snow outside, do you think it’s really cold?” In this step, you should help your child understand consequences for making poor decisions, like…”what do you think will happen if you don’t wear your heavy coat outside?” For my son’s goal for attending a college with a strong criminology program, I asked him if he knew the admission requirements for the colleges he was interested in. He was somewhat aware of the high standards for a couple of the schools but not aware of the requirements for a few others. That led to him doing some research before we talked about the next step.
Options
To help them determine the Options, ask them what ideas they have to address the situation and achieve their goal. For the child who wants to play outside on a cold day, you might ask them their ideas to keep them warm and safe…a heavy coat?…should they wear gloves?…a hat? For my teenage son, I asked his ideas on what he could do to meet the admission requirements of the schools he was interested in. This led to ideas to take an SAT prep class and to get involved in some community volunteer activities.
The Way-Forward
The last step is to get them to make a decision…the “Way-Forward” in the GROW model. When they are young, they won’t need to have a detailed action plan but have them determine THE action. In the example for playing outside in the cold, the way-forward is getting them to make the decision to wear their heavy coat, gloves, and a hat. For my teenager, helping him develop a more detailed, time specific action plan was needed. We agreed on where and when to take an SAT prep course and some volunteer activities that he was going to pursue.
Guiding your child in making good decisions will take some patience. Being a parent coach and using GROW requires more time than just telling them what to do, which is our tendency in most cases. Coaching them through a few simple questions using the GROW model will help them in making their own decisions and build self-responsibility. Start with some simple opportunities to engage your child in using the GROW approach. With practice, you will become more comfortable and effective in using this question-based method to complement your current parenting approach. You’ll be amazed on how this simple approach will help your child GROW. To learn more about using the GROW approach, check out this article: What is the GROW Coaching Model? (incl. Questions + Examples) (positivepsychology.com).